Spatial Patterns of Birthday Parties

I was lucky enough to be invited to the birthday party of one of my relatives here in the Netherlands. My family here has been so nice, wonderful, and welcoming since I've arrived. I will always be so thankful for this.

Birthday parties with my immediate family (I'm talking about the family living back in Canada now) are really quite...how should I say this...loud. The following is a typical birthday event at my home in Canada: the siblings and their significant others converge on my parent’s house which is located in the suburbs of our childhood home. I think we're one of the few families who remained in the same household during our entire youth (both my parents still live there now). The dinner begins at about 3 pm with a fight over appetizers (typically the fare is shrimp and warmed brie cheese and red pepper jelly over crackers). Usually my older sister brings a dish (always very delectable), which she makes in our relatively small kitchen during the time that my mother is attempting to finish up the night's main dishes (which my mother loves, by the way). We chat, have a couple drinks, and get caught up on one another's lives in either the appropriately named 'family room' or in the back porch if it's warm enough. My mother calls (just like when we were young) and the troupe marches over to the dining room where we begin the feast (my mom used to be a short-order cook for the army...at least that's what one would think if they sit down at one of our tables). The whole meal takes about an hour. There is much teasing, laughing, and teasing...did I mention teasing? After the meal, we clean up a bit and bring out the cake. We sing not one, but two birthday songs (one in English, the other in Dutch - thanks to our Dutch roots) cut the pie/cake/tart and serve. Presents are distributed, opened, and the thanks doled. From there, it is tea time and everyone moves back into the family room for games, a bit of TV watching (if there is a game on) and then around 11pm, those Toronto-bound revellers say their good-byes and leave the sleepy hollow.

I experienced a different type of event at the Dutch birthday party that I attended this past Wednesday.

I arrive at the house at approximately 5:45 and am greeted by the immediate family (including the mother, father, and brother of my aunt). I speak Dutch for most of the night (poorly) as my family is helping me learn (it's tough love and I need it!). I think I sweat a bit because I find speaking in another language quite hard but the audience is wonderfully receptive and encouraging (well, besides Malt who continues to laugh at my accent - ha!). From there we sit around the table, serve dinner and converse about this or that. Both my aunt and my uncle (whose birthday it was) wait until everyone else has served themselves and have begun to eat before they turn to their own plates. Throughout the entire meal, both my aunt and uncle are getting up to serve us more wine, water or anything else we might desire - talk about being put to work! After the table is cleared and the dishes are washed by my cousins (a very efficient process) we are all served ice cream and mousse (homemade by Oma). The entire affair was delicious!

After our meal, we move to sit on the couches in the living room area. As we sit down I look around and see that a circle of chairs has been placed out. Just as I'm about to ask Vespa what the chairs are there for, the door bell rings. In steps a set of neighbours (it's 7:30). The neighbours say hello to my uncle wish him a happy birthday and then come and greet all of us who are already sitting in the living room with 'feliciteerd' which means congratulations. 'Uh...what do I say back?' I ask Vespa, 'Oh, the same thing', she says, 'feliciteerd'! This ritual happened with each of the 20 to 25 guests that showed up that night. Every single person that came into my aunt and uncle's house greeted everyone in turn and then sat down to join the circle. Very cordial!

After dinner but relatively early in the evening (we were there until 11:30pm) my other cousin Soda (again an amalgamation of her name and area where she lives) came by and asked what kind of cake I wanted. 'Cake?' I said, 'Haven't we already eaten dessert?' 'Oh yes' she said 'but in Holland, you have dessert with dinner and then you have pie when everyone else comes over to celebrate. You can't really say no, it wouldn't look polite' she finished with a grin. Trust me, it didn't take much prodding. I agreed (with both arms twisted behind my back) to a piece of traditional Limburg rice cake. It was scrumptious! Apparently, in Germany, a guest must have 2 or 3 pieces of cake at a birthday if they do not want to be offensive to the host. As I sat on the couch all night in between Oma and my translator (Vespa) I watched as my aunt and uncle catered to all their guests. I kept finishing my glass of water or wine or whatever and not a minute later, they were there asking, 'Jennifer, can I get you something?' If I said 'oh, no thank you', they'd reply 'not even water?'. Wow! 5 star restaurants would be put to shame in this joint and my uncle was the guest of honour, no less! Vespa told me the secret, 'at Dutch birthday parties, you must keep a little bit of drink in your glass or else you'll be asked if you want something else to drink'. Dually noted. But it wasn't just drinks that were flowing and ever present - food also came from every which way and while I thought I was full (and I was), I decided to try the appetizers...one after another... smoked salmon, tapas, crackers, cheese, sausage, you name it.

As the night went on, each guest would chat to the individual on either side of them. If someone got up to go somewhere, another person would come to sit down and start a new conversation. When people began to leave, each attendee would make a round around the circle, shake everyone's hand and say 'Tot ziens!' - see you later! Wow!

Wow, because I can't believe that you have to take care of everybody else on YOUR birthday! (QueenB understands this totally) and wow! because I thought our birthdays back in Canada were quite an event!

Thus (put on pompous old professor's accent), although I have observed the 'spatial patterns' of both Nederlanders and Canadians in their natural environments...it has become apparent that while their patterns are of 'flocking' and 'circular' structures, they both know how to party!